Chris and I have been married for a little over a year. We decided on our one year anniversary that we would not try, nor would we try to prevent, getting pregnant. If it didn't happen by June 2010, we would actually start trying. I was really hoping it would happen before that June 2010 mark. This discussion was on 8/23/09. Today is Monday, 10/05/09, and I found out this past Friday that we will be expecting our first baby in June. It still feels strange referring to anything as our baby. It still has not completely sunk in. I am taking all the logistical steps- I called the doctor, started taking prenatal vitamins and Omega 3s, am eating healthier, etc., but it's still very surreal.
Today, I did start entering the worrying about everything phase. I tell myself I will feel better after the 8 week ultrasound, but I'm wondering if it's really true. Will I then hold off until after the 1st trimester, then till the 20 week ultrasound, then till the fetus is viable outside the womb, then till 37 weeks, then till the baby actually born?? I have a feeling the latter is true, although, I will try to sit back and enjoy the pregnancy as much as possible. When I would see other pregnant women worry obsessively, I thought I would never be like them, but now I completely see from where they were coming. I found myself googling what the signs are if something goes wrong. I can't help it. I am starting to really feel attached.
Friday was my 27th birthday. I had started spotting on Wednesday and thought I was being greeted yet again by my monthly visitor. By Thursday night it had stopped. I joked with Chris that she must be giving me a birthday present and holding off until after my birthday. Chris reminded me that she will probably hold off and wait until Saturday, the day of my 3rd degree black belt test and then rain down hard.
I took the day off work on Friday to sort of relax before my test which also of course happened to be my birthday. It was so nice having a day off when I didn't have something to do, somewhere to be or was recovering from surgery. I couldn't even remember the last time. I had also been in San Antonio the prior weekend for work, so it was sort of like a comp day.
Chris surprised me around 2pm with a very nice new camera. We went to my mom's for dinner. On the way there, I was reading the camera manual and started feeling sick and had to stop. Normally, I don't get car sick, so I thought it was odd, but I thought maybe it's just a part of getting older. When we got to my mom's house, she mentioned that when she went to buy Chris's birthday present (his is 5 days before mine), she found herself in the baby section, and she can't wait till we have kids. We sort of laughed it off, and I enjoyed my glass of wine. Luckily, I only nursed one glass because I was testing the next day. I still didn't think about the possibility of being pregnant. After all, Aunt Flo had already popped her head in. While we were at my mom's our nephew became a Daddy. I was happy because Jr. was born on my birthday. While we were on our way home, we talked to Chris's sister to exchange what each of us knew concerning the baby. She mentioned that our 8 year old niece kept reminding her to buy yarn for our baby to get a head start, even though we weren't yet expecting. We then got into a discussion about her symptoms when she was in the beginning of her pregnancy such as feeling sick over something she normally would not have, and my mind started wondering. I had some expired pregnancy tests from the hospital at home, so I took one late Friday night, not really expecting it be positive. It was. I of course ran and showed Chris. He said it was too early, and he didn't believe it. "ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?", I thought. A positive is a positive!
My status update on Facebook on 10/02/09 BEFORE I knew I was pregnant:
"Just got the yummiest present ever delivered from Erica and something I've wanted for a long time from Chris AND am about to spend time with the family. Could this birthday get any better???? I'm so excited! =)"
I was referring to the camera, but it has a whole new meaning now! And, yes, it did get a whole lot better, although I hardly slept that night!
Today, Chris and I were emailing back and forth talking about next year's health insurance, on which we need to decide soon. We had been talking about whose plan I should be on for a while, but it now has a whole new set of variables. It feels so weird planning for a kid when just last week, I had no idea. One excerpt from an email Chris sent today warmed my heart. The previous emails were about health insurance and the codename Chris wants to use for the baby, to which I did not agree...
"WOW! It seriously took a whole 3 days for the fact that we may be having a kid to up and smack me in the back of the head! I kinda smiled and welled-up when I wrote that last email."
I know it takes longer for the guy to really accept it because we have to sooner- it's our bodies. We are the ones who have to start being careful, planning work around it (for me anyway, I sometimes work around radiation), eating right, calling doctors. The guy can sort of put it out of their minds. Then of course, there's the feeling sick. I was certainly reminded this morning from the time I started brushing my teeth until around 10am. I have a feeling it's gonna get worse before it gets better. There is the worrying that we naturally will do more because we feel every little thing and over-analyze. I am glad that Chris is starting to think about things, and from what I can tell he is starting to get a little excited about it. I do think though, that it's on my mind a lot more than it is his, for those reasons.
I feel like the few people we have told are more excited than we are. I am starting to get excited, don't get me wrong, especially about our 1st doctor's appointment and telling our friends and families, but I am still feeling a tad overwhelmed. We are telling people on a sort of need to know basis. It is difficult not telling more people, but I know it's early, and the bleeding did concern me a bit. I haven't told my mom because I want to tell her in person,and I don't want to tell anyone else until I tell her and really not until after the 8 week ultrasound. We told 2 of our really good friends who are married because they want to have a baby around the same time we do, so they need to get started. ;-) They've been talking about having one for a while, so it's not like they are all of a sudden feeling pressure. She is also someone I would talk to if something went wrong, so I felt comfortable telling her this early. We told our karate instructor because I was a little nervous about doing karate with any contact in my current state. He also rode all the way to Alabama on Saturday for our test. Chris didn't believe it, and I felt like I had to tell someone. I told my supervisor because we have stent trials coming. I was suppose to be the main coordinator, but now I can't be because of the radiation in the cath lab. I felt obligated to tell her so that the new hires, or someone else in our department, can be prepared to work on those studies. I would not have told her this soon if not for that reason. She and our friends were very excited, more than we were when we told them. I am excited, but like I said, that feeling is mixed with being overwhelmed and a tad nervous, so my excitement wasn't quite like theirs. Each day is filled with more excitement and less being nervous. Today, the excitement started getting ahead of everything else.
How I found out on 10/02/2009... best birthday gift EVER!
After having me take 3 more tests Saturday night, Chris was on board....
Where it all began, the night Chris and I finally started dating after having been friends for 3 years- Memorial Day weekend 2006.
Our wedding day- 08/23/2008
The night I found out we were expecting, before we actually knew.... oh what little did we know! =) - 10/02/2009
Me anxiously testing for my 3rd degree black belt about 14 hours after finding out there's a child inside me.
The not so toned week 4 belly- 10/03/2009
